Pitter patter, pitter patter
Dropping like rain
Sun peeking between weightless clouds
Shining through a drop upon a leaf
Imagining I’m in a place that’s so beautiful my eyes can’t stand to see
Brilliant, vibrant colours rushing at me
Streaming through my eyes
I pretend I’m not alone in this empty grey room
Where greedy faces peer through the door with clipboards
And they laugh at me
Write down all my mistakes and what life could have been
I pretend that I’m you in a life so normal and mundane
So simply happy
No anguish everyday
I pretend that I have enough and am not always in desperate need
It’s just too much for me to exist this week
I see a stretching rainbow and a waterfall so thin
So it’s weak enough to stand under it
Without getting swept away
But still strong enough to sweep over your hair and cascade down your face
I pretend I’m there and not alone in this empty place
The walls are so thin I can hear the screams and cries
Scraped so raw and stretched so thin
In here we wait to die
And there is no where to hide from the eyes that pry
I struggle to compose my facial gestures
Not let anxiety transform my gentle faceInto a hideous grimace
As I try and hold down these 90ft walls of sheer pain
I watch them congratulate one another on each accomplishment
I’ve been frozen here so longI can now only twitch
I hit my face off the grey walls of my mindI am trapped in here
I try to give people directions to find me
But they get lost just past the gate
I let them in further and trust them
Alas they pierce me in a new place
Riddled with holes and unkempt
I remember how happy I was as a carefree kid
I try to recapture a sense of freewill
A moment so divine
When I wasn’t chained in here
Memories didn’t leave me frozen in time
A delicate little girl searching through a Christmas wish book
Circling things and hoping they’d arrive
New things to hold in my arms and call mine
I hold my head in my handsI bite on my lip so the pain I can withstand
Why do I hurt so much I do not know
Why am I locked in hereHow do I ever open the door
My insides feel so twisted by pain
Sit with me awhile and let’s play a game
Its called escape and I must do it eventually
Break out of this prison I’ve created just for me
I hear myself screaming in the other room
He is beating me again
Fists that rage has consumed
A little girl is crying
Her daddy doesn’t care
He terrifies her with his anger
She always feels so scared
None of this is an excuse to be locked away
But I am guarded now and always kept safe
No one can touch me now that wolves guard the gates
But they will rip me to shreds too
So I imagine a place
A little boat on which I float away
The cool air brushes over my faceI closes my eyes, rocking in my little boat over caressing waves
Opening my eyes to the nights sky
Marveling how the stars surround every inch of space
But I always awaken alone in this roomIn this empty place
Trying to reach out and touch others
But I always hide away
Because people can’t really see me
Just an empty face
A sharp grimace of pain
Deep brown eyes that float on my face
Tears fill them if I feel
So I’ve put up such a blockade
A child lost in a dreamy facade
Reality can break
Gravity slips and time shifts
Alice walking through Wonderland’s maze
Disassociated and disassembled
My fingers tremble tugging on these restraints
I open my eyes and rip them away
Run with me now past the judgmental stares of people who never had a clue
Outrun the wolves at the gates
We can do it me and you
Let’s break through the fear and isolation
Show them how it feels in our prisons we create
Let’s knock down the walls of stigma smothering us
Let’s truly escape
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